Just a thought made just of thoughts.

WHY DO I HOLD TO THE FEELING OF CONTROL, OF GENUINE CHOICE, OF “FREE WILL”?

My current sketchy possible answers are:

1) to feel happy or at peace (or at least ok);

2) to find the truth;

3) to feed the boundary between me and everything else.

Does happiness or peace ever come through control?

Or do I (sometimes desperately) want a temporary fix, a makeshift patch of happiness or peace?

Does it depend on series of choices? Isn’t that sometimes happiness and peace can be found at “unlikely” places as they can not be found at “likely” ones? Does it, then, depend on series of choices? Are the perceived causes of happiness and peace really the causes?

Can I find truth, undistorted as currently possible, manipulating, choosing this and not choosing that?

And is there any point to strengthen the perception of me on the one side of the boundary and everything else on the opposite one?‬

If I answer “yes” to any of these questions, I hold to the feeling of control, of genuine choice, of “free will”, don’t I?